Sometimes I get so tense but I can’t speed up the time

Just a little patience, yeah yeah yeah.

It’s no surprise that the lyrics to this song by Guns N Roses come immediately to mind.  I’m a child of the 80’s. And I’ve read that Axel Rose is “crazy”.  And I use that loosely.  So I feel for him because so I am.  Though…there was that rumor about him and a litter box that I just can’t get over. Allegedly.

Music is just such a weird thing for me. In the height of my mania it played a big role in it. I couldn’t get enough of live music. Overnight shows, risky business, spending too much money and drinking too much during the music.

Since I’ve been diagnosed, I’ve had two hypo-mania episodes going to a couple of shows. I’m able to recognize it now.  This last time I had been on a little road trip with a girlfriend(which I literally had to be dragged to go) It was a depressive phase but soon I was feeling so much better being out. I felt great. I was so happy and we had a great time. Once home I texted a friend about seeing another show soon and she replied sure after I was off my high. She has no idea of my diagnosis but she was so right on the money though. I was giddy. I was shocked at her very accurate description.

Luckily this episode didn’t last very long and I soon forgot about going back out which is why I wrote it off to hypo-mania. I’m far too concerned with my weight and looks to go anywhere.  Now, I can see if I were looking thin and feeling prettier being more tempted to go out. But going out isn’t so much a problem as it turning into full mania and next thing you know…I’m skinny! Increase in self esteem, sexuality, confidence.  All things that I need to be wary of.

Hope you guys are having a good weekend. ❤

7 thoughts on “Sometimes I get so tense but I can’t speed up the time

  1. Lol re getting thinner and being more confident. I vote that life’s too short to wait. We might not always feel like it – but we should dance like no-one’s watching, laugh like no-one can hear and value our me moments. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m not manic and I dont have bipolar but yeah music plays a huge part in my mental illness recovery also. I love it. As do my alters. We all like music we can all relate to it. We even have a child alter who loves to sing rap and pop songs! She says it makes her feel good she’s six. lol its too funny and she’s too cute. Glad it helps you too. xoxo


  3. I get this way sometimes but not so much anymore. And it’s confusing because mania was what I recognized as happy and excited. Making this switch into a healthier life has made me unable to recognize happiness because it’s not so loud. Does that happen to you?


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