Self Love

facelessI’ve been meaning to post but for some reason I was focusing on the daily prompt and the latest words haven’t related to me much. I feel like it has to be a word I would normally unlike talisman!!??  I need to remember that the prompts are to stretch your imagination and PROMPT you. I just want to be real.

So I changed my facebook profile recently to appear faceless.  I’m struggling with this continued self hatred of my looks and I don’t want a recent picture of me up there since I’ve gained weight.  My face looks so much better lighter….and I’m weighing myself daily (yes I knooooow this isn’t good) and it gives me a little motivation when I see the number go down a little.  It helps me stay on track and not binge on shit.

I put up a random picture to hide my face. To hide me. I didn’t want to use an older, thinner picture because that is not who I am now.  Does that make sense? UGH. I just don’t like myself and this is internal, I get it. I just don’t know how to fix it.

This is definitely something recent…within the last year or so with the weight gain due to the various anti-psychotic medications we have been trying for the bipolar. It is truly remarkable how ravenous they make you. You feel hungry constantly and there are true hunger pains even shortly after a meal. Nothing satisfied me. Luckily we cut that med down to a bitty dose and it seems far better. I can control my eating. These meds cause an increase in blood sugar, weight and cholesterol which is like, duh, you eat everything.

Man, I sound like such a negative person here.  I’m thankful for this outlet to get my bad feelings out.  I think it does help.  Thank you guys for reading and for your support.  It means so much, seems cliche, but it’s true.

 

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5 thoughts on “Self Love

  1. I TOTALLY understand the weight gain on meds thing. I’m only just losing the weight I gained when I first started on meds a decade ago, (I honestly didn’t really try until now either though). There are some that are more weight neutral than others.

    My fb photo is ancient because I hate recent photos of myself so I also understand that.

    I hope you find some acceptance with all of this soon! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤ It's so hard. Trying geodon instead of the other atipicals. So far it's been ok. My appetite is normal. I'm using that CBD oil and I think it reeeally helps my appetite. Thank you again for your sweet words. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Keep up the good work in your weight loss. It’s a struggle. I’m happy if I lose 1/4 of a lb or just stay the same when I get on the scale each week. I use clip art for my pictures, no matter what site I’m on. 😉It’s keep people wondering what the heck I look like. 💃🌼🌷

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i take an antipsychotic, trevicta, a 3 monthly shot, I dont have increased appetite with it thank god!I used to be on others, where I did. Ug its horrible! I am glad the decreased med makes things a little easier for you. xxx

    Like

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