I’ve been meaning to post but for some reason I was focusing on the daily prompt and the latest words haven’t related to me much. I feel like it has to be a word I would normally unlike talisman!!?? I need to remember that the prompts are to stretch your imagination and PROMPT you. I just want to be real.
So I changed my facebook profile recently to appear faceless. I’m struggling with this continued self hatred of my looks and I don’t want a recent picture of me up there since I’ve gained weight. My face looks so much better lighter….and I’m weighing myself daily (yes I knooooow this isn’t good) and it gives me a little motivation when I see the number go down a little. It helps me stay on track and not binge on shit.
I put up a random picture to hide my face. To hide me. I didn’t want to use an older, thinner picture because that is not who I am now. Does that make sense? UGH. I just don’t like myself and this is internal, I get it. I just don’t know how to fix it.
This is definitely something recent…within the last year or so with the weight gain due to the various anti-psychotic medications we have been trying for the bipolar. It is truly remarkable how ravenous they make you. You feel hungry constantly and there are true hunger pains even shortly after a meal. Nothing satisfied me. Luckily we cut that med down to a bitty dose and it seems far better. I can control my eating. These meds cause an increase in blood sugar, weight and cholesterol which is like, duh, you eat everything.
Man, I sound like such a negative person here. I’m thankful for this outlet to get my bad feelings out. I think it does help. Thank you guys for reading and for your support. It means so much, seems cliche, but it’s true.