Help, I’ve fallen And I can’t Get Up

She called this morning I’m sure because I have had a migraine all week. Yeah they are benign but they still effect my life and moms don’t want their kids to be in pain.  I can get through it thought. It’s a fact of life and there is no real hope for them to miraculously leave.  I remember a little while ago she confessed how sorry she was to give me these headaches and she’d take them for me if she could.  It’s not her fault.  I have some sort of fucked up brain and i can usually fix it if i have my meds.  I take too many for them (but with my doctors ok) but they help. I haven’t gone to the ER in years for a migraine which is really discouraged anyway.  We are drug seekers. And I don’t use opiates, btw.

While I was talking I tried not to cry but I broke down.  I explained it isn’t even the migraines.  It’s the ugly.  She reassured me as moms will do. I am not ugly.  I am beautiful.  Then she asked if she could stop over which I don’t usually like because of the status of my house. .  We have an issue where she is a freaking, anal, meticulous cleaner which is a whole other post and my complete opposite.  I see her eyes wandering over my house. Sometimes a little comment.  I know what she’s thinking.  I wish I could  be like her and my sister and best friend.  As best as I can try it’s never the same. BUT….I’ve been so much better these past few months.

Still feeling ugly, avoiding a mirror But for the past week I immediately put on a moisturizer right after I bushed my teeth.  Now I should probably wash  my face first but baby steps.  I don’t have a lot of wrinkles  just my eyes. Those damn crows feet.  But if I could fix one thing it would be to make over my eyes.

I’m  down this week about 5 pounds so this is huge for me, Reducing the fat pill has helped.  I can live with it the  little dose but who knows if it even does anything,  I’m still taking it until this new med is well on board which is ok because my appetite is now back to fairly norma or at least half  that it was with the med.

So this morning I fell/rolled out my bed. WTF? I sat up and then tumbled back. I waited for a moment for my husband to say OMG are you alright.  And I sat for a few more seconds I stumbled out the living room getting ready to leave for work.

When I mentioned to my son that I fell out of bed this morning he said “Oh, that was the crash I heard.”




5 thoughts on “Help, I’ve fallen And I can’t Get Up

  1. I’m trying to do this whole self confidence thing, too. I don’t know what it is I just can’t stop being down on myself. And I’m only 27. I keep telling myself “the older I get the more I will regret not feeling beautiful” but I can’t help but want to curl into a ball at the thought of attempting to be attractive. I keep hoping that with more maturity I can start to accept myself. The only time I feel pretty is when I drink. That’s so terrible. I wish I could just look in the mirror and be like “that is me. And that is beauty”
    You’re in my thoughts 🧡🧡🧡

    Liked by 1 person

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