The Hermit Goes To Four Bars!!

Last week I went out with my friend for the first time in ages. When I’m hypo-manic I’m on the hunt for live music and some drinks. I’m not remotely manic now so it was a big deal to go out for a few drinks.

I’m so self conscious. I always worry about what people think of me but now that I’m thinking back about our night I’m realizing I wasn’t this time. I focused on my friend and her bf who tagged along to drive us home. They were so nice.  She knew I’ve been kind of a hermit so she was trying to give me a tug.

We did a little bar hop in town and it was fun. I didn’t have much anxiety and enjoyed the night. I ended up getting a really bad migraine though when I got home from the alcohol. I can remember in my 30’s (my most manic years) being able to see two shows in a row and not have much of a hangover from the drinking.  Now it’s rare that I have a drink. So I traded a bit of fun for a migraine. So thankful when my abortive med does work!!

I got home about 11 and of course my slightly drunk ass forgot to take my meds. As I climbed into my bed against my husband I thought, this isn’t a bad life after all.

That really did me good.

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Heady Harvest

So, two weeks ago I got myself my first little bottle of the new thing on the block…CBD oil.  I’ve written about it a little bit here and here.  I’m hearing more and more about it so I figured it was time to try.

My first bottle was from Hemplucid 250 mg (in the entire bottle).  I didn’t research much about the various strengths and never considered vaping at that point. My thought was by mouth was the most natural. The flavor was very organic, nutty and weedy.

I got only slight relief of a migraine after taking about three droppers (or 3 ml) full which was about 24 mg. I will admit I was disappointed in the result after I tried with my migraines all last week.  I first thought it might have been triggering them but they continued after I stopped so it wasn’t the oil. The dosages for pain are much higher I’m learning.

My husband tried it for his back pain and he really felt a difference. He’s concerned that he may get picked for a random drug test and doesn’t want to come up + for THC.  I find it highly unlikely it would but it is a risk. The 100% THC products are super expensive. It seems all of the brands I’ve looked at say THC level is <.03.

Today my husband took me to a glass shop. I was nervous going because I wasn’t really sure exactly what I wanted or needed.  I’m a noob, plus anxiety. I didn’t want to look dumb and and embarrass myself blushing in front of a hipster stoner dude. Turns out it was a girl and she was super welcoming and nice!  They had several regular CBD oils that you take sublingual and the concentrates.

I was there for the concentrate and decided vaping might work better for me.  I got the “disposable” vape with the 750mg cartridge. I got the pineapple flavored but there were others as well as lower strenghs.

So I paid $50 for the cartridge/pen tip thing which has the oil and the actual pen vape thingee was 15.00. I didn’t think it was too bad.  A little over my weekly “flower” budget but maybe it will last longer.  I’m not sure how or if I will save money vaping.

I always hate when I run out of flowers.  I think I will order the refills on line or send hubs into the shop since he passes it on his way to and from work! Win, win. 🙂

I’ve been definitely puffing on the vape this afternoon.  My headache has decreased a lot. I feel better.  Maybe it’s a start.

Twelve Facts About Me

Facts about the spinster:

  1. I’m not really a spinster.
  2. I suffer from bipolar disorder, migraines and anxiety.
  3. Currently on disability.
  4. +BRCA2
  5. Marijuana supporter.
  6. Dog lover. Please rescue.
  7. I’m obsessed with cats but mine loves my husband.
  8. Former crafter…knit, crochet, sew, embroider.
  9. Now that my mania is under control I have no interest in any of it.
  10. Sometimes I bake bread.
  11. I’m a nurse by profession.
  12. I’ve spent way to much time trying to come up with this list!

CBD Oil, Anyone?

cannabis1

Every so often I go down the hole and start searching for my miracle migraine pill. Again.  Nothin’. Fuckin’. Works.

I’m sick of investing time and money into things that have not brought any relief to me. I try to be on top of any new medication studies or alternative therapies. I’m willing to give it a shot if it can help….meditation, acupuncture, homeopathy, medication, diet.

I’ve been reading more and more about CBD oil.  Have you heard of it or tried it? Chewy from one of the blogs I follow Inside Chewys Mind recently wrote a blog post about it and it has piqued my interest.  She has had success with it.

cannabisCBD oil is made from the hemp or cannabis plant. It’s an extract…cannabidoil which has none of the psychoactive parts of the plant. That means none of the THC which is the part that can get you high.

CBD oil has antioxidents, fatty acids, vitamins. It’s helpful for pain, inflammation, anxiety, epilepsy and insomnia. They are just at the beginning of research so I’m confident they will find more benefits…it also appears it is an anti-cancer agent.

I don’t know a lot about it yet. There are many, many companies now making it and selling it. The dosages are all over the place and I don’t know how much it’s regulated. Are there better brands?

Yesterday I was out and about and stopped at Whole Foods.  I saw some hemp oil but I was told that they do not carry CBD oil.  I’m guessing the whole cannabis part of the equation plays into it even though it is 100% legal.

Luckily I have a cute little crunchy shop not too far from me. By crunchy I mean a health food store. And it’s a good store.  Usually I can find whatever thing I’m looking for and everyone is wicked helpful. I get my essential oils there regularly.

cannabis4I knew I should have went to my own little health food store. They are privately owned and I’m sure are more willing to go that route…I mean, hippies, right?  Yes, they might be a little more expensive for some things but they are convenient, usually have what I want and it smells sooo good in there. 🙂

I looked around quickly and didn’t see any CBD oil. They have a lot of stuff though so I asked the nice lady if they had it and she pointed to a top shelf up high. Wow….I was right about my store! She wasn’t super educated about it but gave me some literature on it so that was helpful.

They have several different products…water soluble, Oil, vape and gummies. Their brand is hemplucid which is by Whole Plant. But the price! A months supply bottle was about 50.00.

Unlike my typical impulsive self, I decided to think about it and do some more research.  I  don’t want to waste my time and money on something touted as the next best thing only to find out that it doesn’t work for me. Again.

Have you tried CBD oil? Does it make a difference in your health?

Worrier

worryI’m sure it’s completely my imagination that makes me so paranoid someone might figure out it’s me, Spinster Patty. What if?  The internet is forever.

It’s also my imagination that the guy who just walked past my house was going to turn up my driveway and come hold me hostage or something. Worried so that I get a visceral reaction. Why do I think such thoughts?

I also worry a bill collector will show up at my door. Or the electric company. Water department because I’m late paying my bill.

Or my mother. That’s a different story though 😉

Also…I worry when I’m driving I’ll get pulled over.  I’m not even doing anything wrong. I drive like a freakin grandmother.

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The Beginning

It’s been a couple of years now that I have been officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I quit my nursing job abruptly.  I had been having problems at work with my supervisor.  I made a mistake at work and snapped.  Now it’s so clear I was manic. My mind was going a million miles a minute and I was paranoid. After my breakdown I slipped into the worst depression of my life yet.

Before my snap I wasn’t seeing anyone a psyche doc. I had refused and relied on the mood stabilzer and antidepressant my primary doc was treating me with. I didn’t understand how paralyzing and serious bipolar disorder is.

My son has been experiencing a lot of mood swings and depression lately. We were able to see our primary doc who has begun treating him for bipolar too.  I’ve been trying to educate him about the disorder which is so much more than I thought.

I’m so glad for us to figure this out now rather than 30 years later after struggling with various mental health issues. I’m glad we’re addressing it now and I’m so thankful he wants to be better and is seeking treatment.

Knowing my son has had the same bad feelings as I’ve had is so devastating. He told me has always felt worthless.  My heart broke. To know your son has felt such sadness is heart breaking. But I think it’s also a bonding thing for us.  He’s honest with me and talks to me.  We’re very close.